Ah, New Year’s Eve. While functional adults are preparing their champagne and party outfits, here I am, frantically typing up our Game of the Year results with the grace of a caffeinated penguin on roller skates. Did I have 364 other days to do this? Absolutely. Did I wait until the final possible moment? Also absolutely. This is what we in the business call “editorial excellence” (and what my therapist calls “concerning behavior patterns”). The GOTY announcement wouldn’t be complete without the classic last-minute rush.
The voter turnout was… well, let’s just say if this were an election, we’d need a recount of the recount, and then probably just ask my mom to vote to make the numbers look less embarrassing. But you know what? Quality over quantity. Each vote came from someone who clearly has impeccable taste (or at least enough patience to humor my endless gaming monologues, which I’m told are “technically not a form of torture”). Regardless, the GOTY results reflect true dedication.
So, without further procrastination (my true endgame boss), here are the completely legitimate, not-at-all hastily compiled results of our GOTY poll:
1st Place: Astro Bot
Picture this: a PS5 game so good it actually convinced me to stop using my console as an oversized paperweight. Astro Bot claimed the top spot by being impossibly charming and making me feel emotions about tiny robots that I usually reserve for pizza deliveries and canceled plans. It’s the kind of game that makes you forget you’re a grown adult squealing with delight at adorable mechanical beings – though my neighbors probably think I’ve lost it based on the sounds of pure joy emanating through the walls at 3 AM. And yes, there’s definitely incriminating footage of my victory dances somewhere on my roommate’s phone. It truly deserved the GOTY title.
2nd Place: Indiana Jones and The Great Circle
Indiana Jones swung into second place, proving that you can teach an old archaeologist new tricks. While I didn’t quite develop Harrison Ford’s rugged charm or ability to look cool in a fedora (I look more like a confused jazz musician having an existential crisis), I did master the art of saying “That belongs in a museum!” to absolutely everything. My roommate was not amused when I said it about their leftover takeout, but I stand by it. Some might say I’m overcommitted to the bit, but those people clearly don’t appreciate my dedication to historical preservation of week-old pizza. Our GOTY poll definitely included some nostalgic adventures.
3rd Place: Dragon Age Veilguard
Bronze goes to Dragon Age Veilguard, the game that reminded me I’m terrible at making decisions in both real life AND fantasy worlds. I spent so long deliberating over dialogue choices that my character probably aged in real-time. Sure, the fate of entire kingdoms rested on my shoulders, but that’s still easier than deciding what to wear in the morning. At least when I mess up in Dragon Age, it only results in fictional political chaos rather than real-world “what should I order for dinner” anxiety – a crisis that has, on multiple occasions, ended with me eating cereal for dinner while questioning all my life choices. This GOTY nominee highlighted my indecision perfectly.
The Wrap-Up
So there you have it – Astro Bot takes the crown, with Indy and Dragon Age forming our prestigious podium of procrastination (the only kind of podium I’m qualified to judge). A heartfelt thank you to everyone who voted (all seven of you, you beautiful, possibly imaginary souls). And a special shoutout to Jack Deslippe, who probably regrets letting me join the team after I essentially invited myself like that one person who shows up to a party because they “heard there was food” and then camps out by the snack table all night (I feel seen, and I’m not sorry). Presenting the GOTY winners has been a delightful challenge.
As we bid farewell to 2024, I’m raising my energy drink (because coffee stopped working hours ago, and my hands are shaking just enough to make typing interesting) to all of you wonderful readers. Here’s to 2025 – may your loading screens be short, your frame rates high, and your gaming backlogs slightly less intimidating than mine, which has now achieved sentience and is demanding its own Steam account. I look forward to next year’s GOTY celebrations.
(Narrator: He’s already behind on next year’s GOTY article.)
Happy New Year, everyone!
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